Unsteady
by Mariskahargibenson
Summary: Olivia finds herself in a situation she never expected. NOT TUCKSON!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So the rough outline for this story came into my head while listening to Unsteady by X Ambassadors. Tbh I'm not even sure the song goes with the storyline anymore but oh well haha.**

 **Anyway, I don't own SVU, the characters you recognise, or the song.**

 **I've written a few chapters ahead with this and compared to my usual they're quite long, so drop me a review and let me know what you think :)**

 **~X~**

 **Unsteady**

' _Hold, hold on, hold onto me_

' _Cause I'm a little unsteady_

 _A little unsteady…_

 _Hold, hold on, hold onto me_

' _Cause I'm a little unsteady_

 _A little unsteady…'_

~X~

Olivia ran a hand through her hair as she matched Barba step-for-step, listening to his rant as they approached the precinct.

"I would just really appreciate it if people would stop leaving details out to cover their asses so they don't get in trouble with their parents. They're twenty eight. They are not children!"

"You know what, Barba? You and me both." Olivia sighed. "But on another note, and I know Rollins has already asked you this, but would you ever consider going off caffeine?"

"Not in a million years." Barba replied quickly as he followed Olivia between two parked squad cars towards the one six.

"Maybe you should, you might actually be able to breathe between your sentences."

Barba stopped and turned to look at his friend who walked beside him. To anyone else, maybe except from Fin, she seemed fine, but there was something in her voice that told him otherwise. She was hiding something, he just didn't know what.

"Barba?" Olivia tried, wondering why he had suddenly stopped dead and was eyeing her up. "What's goin' on?"

"You're off." Barba admitted finally as they began walking once more, heading up the stairs and into the building.

"What?" Olivia frowned, mentally kicking herself for not doing a better job of burying her feelings.

"Look, Benson, you might be fooling other people. But you can't fool me. There's been something off about you all day. Whatever it is you're keeping to yourself, you don't need to. I've told you before that you can talk to me about whatever is on your mind, no judgment. You trust me, right?"

Olivia nodded as she pressed the button for the elevator, praying that nobody else was going up with them. "Yeah, I do."

"The last thing I want to do is pressure you, Liv, but you're scaring me today. I'd like to think that you know me well enough to know that if you ever need it, I will do everything in my power to help you." Barba told her as they stepped onto the elevator. "What is it? Is it Tucker? Has he done something? Said something? Noah?"

"Noah's great, you don't need to worry about him."

"What about Tucker?"

"It's not him either, he hasn't done, or said anything." Olivia took a deep breath and turned to her friend. "I fucked up, Barba."

Barba stared at Olivia in surprise as the elevator doors rolled shut.

There was a long silence as Olivia considered her next words and Barba waited patiently for her to share whatever was bothering her.

"I'm pregnant." Olivia finally admitted as the doors rolled open and they stepped out of the elevator.

"Wow." Barba blinked a few times, unsure of what to say. "I have to say that's not quite what I was expecting." He took a moment to look at Olivia as they walked towards her office. "Are we happy about this, or…?"

"Remember that 'complicated' phase Ed and I went through a while back?" Olivia started, ignoring Carisi's eyes on her as she opened her office door and ushered Barba inside.

"Yeah, go on."

Olivia took another deep breath and closed the door. "We broke up for almost three months." Olivia stared down at her desk when she continued. "During that time I had dinner and got drunk with an ex. An ex that I nearly married a while back. I slept with him and didn't go home that night, came straight here from his place."

"So what you're telling me is that you're pregnant, but you have no idea who the father is? It's either an ex who you clearly were once in love with. Or your current partner who you claim makes you happier than you've been in a long time."

"No I know exactly who the father is…" Olivia paused and Barba knew what was coming next. "Ed had a vasectomy twenty years ago after his ex wife got pregnant with his youngest."

Barba nodded and let the revelation hang in the air. Now he knew why she'd been so off her game.

"Does Tucker know?"

"What? That I met my ex-fiance for dinner? That I then slept with said ex-fiance? Or that I'm pregnant with a baby that is 100% definitely not his child?" Olivia chuckled bitterly.

"Olivia."

"He knows I made some bad decisions during our timeout. He doesn't know who I slept with. Or that I'm pregnant."

"How would he react if you told him who you slept with?" Barba asked softly.

"He divorced his ex because she cheated on him. That's the entire reason he transferred into IAB. Now I've gone and done something even worse."

"It's not worse, Olivia. It's not better either, but you weren't together when it happened. Worse would be sleeping with your ex while you were still in a relationship with Tucker."

Olivia only sighed and sat down behind her desk while Barba helped himself to one of the seats across from her.

"How long have you known?"

"Few days." Olivia sighed. "I suspected for a while. But last time I was just paranoid. I'm even older now. And truth be told I was scared of the results."

"There was a last time?" Barba exclaimed in surprise.

"With Brian, not long after Lewis. I didn't want to get my hopes up, I knew it was probably just stress. Brian thought I should take a test just to be sure. In the end I was right."

Barba nodded slowly. "You suspected for a while? What's a while? Days? Weeks? Months?" Barba took a breath and realised he was beginning to interrogate her. "Sorry, you don't need to tell me that."

"No, it's okay." Olivia sighed. "It crossed my mind around the time we were working on the case with Ellis and Patrick. I didn't have time to dwell on it but it kept coming back. I took a few tests a couple weeks ago, two negative one positive. I went to my doctor on Monday morning while you guys were in court. She confirmed it."

"How far along are you?"

"Almost five months." Olivia admitted quietly.

Barba's jaw dropped. "I- wow. I was expecting less than that."

"So was I." Olivia let out a small laugh. "Seventeen weeks. Three more and I'm halfway there already."

Barba opened his mouth to reply when a knock at the door interrupted him. His eyes stayed glued to Olivia as she rose from her seat to open the door.

He couldn't see much, but she had to be showing, she couldn't be almost twenty weeks pregnant without even a small bump. He had to hand it to her, if she was showing, she was hiding it well.

~X~

Olivia sighed as she sat in her car, unwilling to go home just yet. She had just picked Noah up from Lucy's apartment after the younger woman had forgotten her key to Olivia's place.

She looked at her phone as she started the engine of her car. As she slipped it into the cup holder at her side, it began to ring. One glance at the screen told her that it was Ed calling her. With a sigh she pulled out into the traffic, driving in the opposite direction of her apartment and deciding that Ed's call could wait for the time being.

It wasn't until she ended up outside Barba's apartment building that she realised she had been in a daze for the duration of the drive.

She quickly scooped Noah from his car seat and cradled him on her hip as she made her way inside, smiling gratefully at the doorman when he recognised her and held the door open.

Once outside the apartment door, Olivia managed to shift her sleeping son onto her right side and used the left to knock on the door.

When Barba answered the door, his eyebrows raised in surprise upon seeing Olivia and Noah in front of him.

"I didn't want to go home so I just drove and I ended up here. I hope that's okay."

Barba nodded and ushered the mother and son inside.

Once they were settled on the couch, Barba took a breath before he spoke up, breaking the silence.

"Liv, I know you're worried, nervous, about telling Tucker about this baby. But you can't hide from him forever. Sooner or later he's gonna find out, and it's probably best if it comes from you. I don't want to pry, but whether you are already or not, you're gonna start showing - obviously showing - soon. And that's hard to hide from the person you're in a relationship with. You need to tell him, Liv. It's for the best."

"I know, I just don't know how. He loves Noah, he treats me like I mean the world to him, and this is how I repay him? By getting pregnant with another guy's baby less than a month after we break up? Then get back together with him and lead him on for another month?"

"You didn't mean for this to happen, Olivia."

"I didn't exactly take precautions to make sure it didn't happen either, did I?" Olivia snapped.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Liv, but you had no reason to think that you would actually get pregnant." Barba reasoned.

"I really have to talk to him, don't I?" Olivia groaned leaning forward and holding her head in her hands.

"You do." Barba nodded.

He didn't envy the position his friend was in, but there wasn't much he could do to help her either. She had to help herself too.

"This is a huge, huge ask, but would you mind keeping Noah, just for an hour until I've spoken to Ed?" Olivia asked. "You don't need to feel obliged."

"Don't worry about it. I'll keep Noah, I'll order in dinner. You can take as long as you need." Barba told Olivia. "This is an important conversation, don't rush it on account of not bothering me. Noah and I will be fine. I have an iPad. We can watch movies if he wakes up."

Olivia nodded and took her phone from her pocket as it began to ring. She sighed when she saw Ed's caller ID.

"No time like the present." Barba smiled softly, giving Olivia's shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

"Hey, Ed. Sorry I missed you earlier, I was putting Noah in the car." Olivia answered, standing from her place on the couch and grabbing her car keys.

" _I was just gonna ask if you wanted to come over tonight, or I can come to you? We just haven't seen each other in a while."_ Ed replied.

Olivia took a deep breath. "Ed we need to talk."

Olivia listened as Ed sighed and invited her to his apartment and let him know she was on her way.

~X~

Olivia stuffed her hands in her pockets as she waited for Ed to close the apartment door and join her in the kitchen.

When he did, Ed took his time taking two beers from the fridge before he leaned against the table, looking at Olivia as she leaned against the breakfast bar.

Olivia avoided eye contact as she thought about how to start the discussion.

"Ed I have something I need to tell you, and it's not easy for me. So I'm gonna need you to let me finish before you say anything." Olivia could already feel the tears burning her eyes.

"Liv?" Ed frowned as she kept her hands firmly in her pockets.

"I found out on Monday morning that I'm pregnant." Olivia admitted. "More than just a little bit pregnant too. I'm seventeen weeks."

Ed ran a hand over his face, he had a good idea what was coming next.

"And you know that there is no possible way that this baby can be yours. " Olivia said, her voice cracking at the words. "I'm sorry that this happened. I really didn't expect to get pregnant at this age and I feel horrible that this is how it has worked out."

"Liv, this doesn't have to be it for us…" Ed tried as Olivia attempted to wipe away her tears.

"Yes, it does." Olivia nodded sadly. "Because the guy I slept with those nights, was my ex-fiance. When I slept with him, I thought we were done for good. You have to know that I didn't plan this."

"Wow." Ed ran a hand over his face again, feeling tears stinging his own eyes.

"So, this does have to be it for us, because I can't ask you to stand by me while I have another man's child. And I don't know what else to say other than that I am so, so sorry."

"Is this guy gonna be involved or…?" Ed asked, trying not to let her see him cry.

"I don't know. I haven't told him yet. I thought you should know first." Olivia replied, gripping the counter on either side of her. "But I do know that it's not fair to you to lead you on like this. And I have Noah to think about, and this baby too. I need to get my ducks in a row before I have two kids to look out for."

Ed nodded slowly, looking over her. "This guy loves you?"

Olivia nodded. "He said so. Even before the alcohol."

"You love him?" Ed asked, knowing her answer would hurt.

"I never stopped." Olivia admitted, shifting her eyes upwards in an attempt to stop the tears. "I'm sorry."

Ed took a deep breath. "Me too." He looked up at her, not caring about the tears on his cheeks. "But I'm happy for you. I know you always wanted more kids. So congratulations. Give my love to the little guy."

Olivia only nodded as she and Ed began to move towards the door. "Thank you, Ed. For everything. It means the world to me how much you've done for me and Noah."

"I love you, Liv." Ed said in the place of a real answer.

"I love you too, Ed. Despite the mess I'm in now." Olivia replied as she stepped out of his apartment.

"Well, I guess I'll see ya around, Lieutenant." Ed sighed sadly.

"See ya around, Captain." Olivia nodded solemnly before she made her way back to the elevator.

~X~

Barba looked up in surprise when the door to his apartment opened and Olivia entered carrying a bag of takeout.

"I met the delivery guy downstairs, here's your food." Olivia said, placing the bag on the counter.

"That was fast." Barba commented as Olivia rested her elbows on the breakfast bar facing him.

"I'm pregnant with another man's kid, what else is there to say?" Olivia asked, dropping her head onto her forearms and lacing her fingers through her hair.

"How'd he take it?" Barba asked as he plated up the food.

"Not too badly, he didn't try to kill me so I suppose that's a bonus." Olivia chuckled dryly. "He was upset though. I can't say I blame him."

"Living room." Barba nodded, lifting the two plates and carrying them through.

Once they were settled and eating, Barba made a point of talking about Noah, knowing it would help cheer Olivia up a little.

"I don't know how to tell him." Olivia told her friend. "He's so perceptive for a three year old. But I still don't know how to make it make sense for him. As far as he knows, people only have babies when there's a mommy and a daddy. He only has one of those."

"He's three, Liv. Just tell him that Mama is gonna have a baby and not to jump on your stomach and he'll be fine. He'll be taking good care of you in no time." Barba answered. "Does Mystery Man know he's gonna be a father yet?"

Olivia chuckled. "Not yet. I thought the least I could do was tell Ed first. But I guess now that's out of the way there's nothing stopping me."

"Does he have any kids?"

"No. Always wanted them but got sucked into the same hole I did. Married the job and forgot how to live outside of work." Olivia sighed.

"What's the story with you two? I didn't know you'd been engaged before? Not counting when you were 16." Barba asked as he picked out a movie he knew Olivia liked.

Olivia looked over at her sleeping son on the other couch before she answered. "We met in high school and things moved pretty quickly, within a year we were living together. He proposed almost five years later and we set a date a few years ahead for the wedding. Just after I got my detective shield, he got an amazing opportunity to go train with the world's leading surgeons in LA. He knew it was too good to pass up, but he didn't want to choose between me or his job. So I made the decision for him."

"You broke up with him?"

"Not straight away. I told him to accept the offer and we would find away to work around it. It was never gonna work out though. I was working all hours to prove myself in the boys club that was the NYPD, and he was about to move to the other side of the country. We mutually ended it, agreed it would never work out between us and then I drove him to the airport." Olivia sighed, tears filling her eyes at the memory.

"Have you seen him since? Obviously aside from the night he got you pregnant." Barba asked as Olivia pulled her feet up under her.

"A few times." Olivia nodded. "About two months after he left I had a miscarriage before I even knew I was pregnant. He flew back just to be with me. He came back for my mom's funeral. He offered to come see me after Lewis but I told him I was okay…"

"The truth?"

"The truth is that every time I laid down next to Brian, all I really wanted was for it to be my ex instead. I loved Brian, part of me always will, but he just wasn't what I needed. Jack had this ability to just make everything okay. It didn't matter what happened, he would just make you forget about it, even just for a while." Olivia explained.

"And now? Is he back for good or what?"

"He's back for good. He wanted a change of scenery and decided to come back home. When I got pregnant, he was only here for a few days to find an apartment."

"When are you going to tell him about the baby?" Barba asked gently.

"I called him on the way back from Ed's apartment. He's gonna swing by the precinct tomorrow before he goes into work."

"Where does he work?"

"Mercy. He's a doctor."

"We could be seeing a lot of him then." Barba joked as he stretched his legs out along the couch.

Olivia laughed lightly before she eyed Barba. "Can I use you as a pillow?"

"Feel free."

Barba smiled as Olivia maneuvered herself so that she was lying against his front with her head resting against his chest.

"You wanna see something cool?" Olivia piped up after watching the movie in silence for a while. When Barba nodded, she put her hands on her rounded belly, pulling her shirt tight around it and showing off her baby bump. "There's a baby in there."

"You're growing a person." Barba smiled softly. "It's amazing."

"I can feel the baby moving. You can't feel it from the outside just yet though." Olivia told him. "It'll probably be a couple more weeks before that happens."

They were silent again for a while before Olivia took Barba's hand in hers, squishing over to the side a little more to look at him. "Thank you for today. For not judging me when lots of people would. And for just being here, letting me take over your apartment and use you as a human pillow just because I don't want to go home. It means more than you know."

"You're my best friend, Liv. You've done the same for me in the past, you'll do it again in the future. Today it's my turn to take care of you."

Olivia simply moved back into her previous position, this time taking Barba's hand with hers to meet her rounded stomach, allowing her best friend to rest his hand there.

It was barely a minute before Olivia spoke up again, clearly unwilling to just sit in silence and watch the movie she'd seen a hundred times.

"You ever thought about having kids, Barba?"

"Liv, think about who you're asking that question. Unless I can somehow get another man pregnant, there's no way that would work." Barba answered.

"Don't be an ass. You know what I mean. If you met the right guy, would you ever consider having a family with him? Y'know, maybe adopt, or use a surrogate, that kinda thing?"

"It's not something I've ever thought about. The only experience I have with kids is being around Noah, and the very few times Rollins has had Jessie with her."

"It wasn't something I thought about until I met Jack. I was scared I'd be like my mom, but he assured me that my hatred of my mom's behavior meant I would never turn into her."

"I need to meet this Jack guy. Make sure he's as good as you say he is."

"Fin, Carisi and Rollins will be running him the second he steps into the squadroom tomorrow. He doesn't need you on his case too." Olivia joked. "But seriously, He's a good guy. After every time I've seen him I end up running his name to make sure he's still clean."

"And?" Barba prodded. "Is he?"

"Few parking tickets here and there but he's clean." Olivia nodded. "Now I'm gonna shut up so we can watch the rest of the movie in peace."

Barba only laughed as Olivia settled into him to watch the remaining half an hour of the movie. He still wasn't 100% sure what to make of Olivia's situation, but so long as in the end she was happy, he'd do whatever he could to help her, just like she'd always been there for him.

~X~

Olivia turned with Noah in one arm and locked the apartment door behind her with the other with a glance at the clock.

It was just after ten pm. She hadn't intended to stay at Barba's for so long, but a recent heavy workload had meant they hadn't had much time to spend as friends, so good movies came one after the other while they talked.

She dumped her bag on the couch and carried Noah straight through to his bedroom. Laying him down on his bed, she quickly removed his shoes, pants and jacket, deciding that he would be okay to sleep in just his t-shirt and his underwear for the night.

After undressing him, she scooped his little body up once more to pull out the bedsheets before she lay him down again and covered him with his duvet, locating his favourite stuffed bunny from Nick.

She sat down on his bed, allowing a hand to run through his short hair. The other hand came to rest on her small bump and she sighed, thinking of how exactly she was going to manage working while juggling two young children on her own. It wasn't going to be easy, but she knew she didn't have a choice but to power through and keep going.

She sat with Noah for another ten minutes before she pushed herself up from the bed and moved through to her bedroom, securing her gun in the safe in the top drawer and dropping her shield onto the bedside table along with her cuffs.

As she collapsed unceremoniously onto her own bed, she lifted her phone and typed out a quick email to Chief Dodds, asking him for a brief meeting the next afternoon. She was going to tell Lucy first thing in the morning, it gave the younger woman time to think about whether or not she was willing to stay on and nanny the new baby too. The father was stopping by the precinct at nine, so she'd need to figure out a way to break the news to him before then.

Olivia sighed and rubbed her face tiredly. There was so much she suddenly had to think about. She'd need a new apartment sooner rather than later, she had already put in a small second bedroom for Noah and there was no way she could fit both kids in the same room. She couldn't afford to fit another bedroom in either, and she'd rather orchestrate a move while pregnant rather than with a three year old and a new born.

She was lucky in that she still had some of the essentials in storage from when Noah was little. That saved her from having to get a new highchair, crib and changing unit. She was now regretting giving away the car seat and stroller, though in her own defense, she really hadn't imagined ever needing to use it again.

Deciding everything could wait until later, Olivia quickly shed her clothes and threw on a large t-shirt before she climbed into bed, falling asleep almost instantly.

 **Please let me know if you want to see more of this. Always open to constructive criticism :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you so much for the great reviews on the last chapter, I wasn't sure what the response would be like, given that Olivia is with an OC and not someone that we know.**

 **As always, the show and the characters are not mine, if they were, I wouldn't be broke rn haha**

 **Enough rambling, here's Chapter 2!**

 **~X~**

Olivia rushed to the door with Noah on her hip, the young boy was mid-tantrum about not wanting to brush his teeth.

She was more than a little self conscious about the fact that Noah's squirming was causing her fitted shirt to pull tightly around her baby bump, something Lucy knew nothing about.

As she opened the door to the younger woman, Olivia apologised for taking so long to answer.

"No worries, Olivia. He sounds like he's been a handful this morning." Lucy brushed off the apology as Olivia shut the door behind her.

Noah continued to kick and shout as Olivia turned to face Lucy. Finally, Olivia put her son down after he threw himself backwards in an attempt to get his mother to release him.

"Mommy…" Noah began sobbing. "I want up!"

Olivia let out an exasperated sigh at her son's antics. "Noah, I just put you down. You won't brush your teeth, you won't get dressed. Mommy has a sore back and needs to be careful. I can't carry you everywhere, No, especially when you're kicking me."

"Mommy?" Noah frowned, drawing another sigh from Olivia.

"I'm going to ask you one more time before I get Lucy to hold you while I brush your teeth for you. Noah, please go and brush your teeth, top and bottom."

Despite not looking happy about his mother's request, Noah finally gave in and sulked off to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

Once her son was gone, Olivia took a deep breath before she looked up at Lucy. "I'm sorry. I don't know what's gotten into him this morning. He's usually good."

Lucy shook her head. "Don't worry about it. Everyone has their days. You should head for work, I'll get him ready for daycare."

"About that, Lucy, there's something I need to talk to you about." Olivia said, guiding Lucy to the couch.

"Oh. Is everything okay?" Lucy asked, clearly nervous.

Olivia smiled softly. "Everything's fine. I'm not about to fire you so please don't worry about that. But there's been a couple of developments recently, both of which affect you in different ways. So I thought I should tell you sooner rather than later."

"Okay…"

"The biggest thing, is that I found out on Monday morning that I'm seventeen weeks pregnant. I had no idea." Olivia allowed the news to sink in. "I thought I should let you know so that you have time to think about whether or not you're willing to stay on and work with the new baby too."

"Of course I'll stay on, Liv. I love you guys, you're like my family now!" Lucy exclaimed. "Congratulations! How did Ed take the news?"

Olivia took a deep breath. "That's the second thing. Ed and I ended things for good last night."

"What? He's not happy about the baby or…?"

"That's the thing. The baby's not his. He had a vasectomy after his youngest son was born twenty years ago. That time we split for a few months before, I slept with an ex-fiance of mine. It wasn't the best decision I've ever made…"

"But you're happy about the baby?"

"It's so unexpected. But it's something I never thought I'd get to experience."

"I'm happy for you. Does the father know yet?" Lucy asked with a small smile.

"Not yet. He's stopping by the precinct on his way to work. Then I have the lovely job of informing my boss."

"Have fun with that one." Lucy chuckled as Noah reentered the room. "Does he know yet?"

"Not yet. I'm gonna tell him tonight. I've been putting it off but I can't hold off much longer."

Lucy nodded in understanding as Olivia checked Noah's teeth before she checked her watch and stood.

Lucy helped Noah button up his polo shirt while Olivia threw a blazer on over her long sleeved top and then slipped into her trench coat and draped a scarf around her neck, effectively disguising her bump for the time being.

After picking up her purse and keys, Olivia kissed Noah's head and bid goodbye to Lucy before she headed out of the apartment, knowing that most of her day would be spent explaining herself.

~X~

When Olivia got to work, she found her detectives all sitting at their desks with a coffee, waiting for their computers to boot up. She knew they would take their time getting set up, all of them, including herself, did so on the slower days when they had no pressing cases.

"Hey guys." Olivia greeted them as she breezed through on the way to her office.

"Heads up, Liv." Carisi stood from his desk, stopping her. "There's some guy here to see you. Name's Jack something. Said you were expecting him."

Olivia slipped a hand under her jacket and discretely rested it on her belly. "Yeah. No interruptions, okay? Unless something comes up. Fin, cover me if Dodds appears. Just until I talk to this guy, okay?"

Olivia waited for her detectives to nod before she made her way into her office, attempting to steel her nerves.

Olivia made a beeline for her desk when she entered her office, not acknowledging the man sitting on the couch straight away. As he stood up, Olivia took her scarf off and draped it over the back of her chair.

She took a deep breath before she plastered an easy smirk on her face and looked up at Jack.

"You're early."

"Yeah, sorry. I got called in early, I have an hour though, I hope you don't mind." Jack replied.

"Not at all." Olivia shook her head, leaning her hands on the back of her chair in front of her. "But listen, uh, the reason I asked you to come down here today, is that we have a kind of a situation."

"What are you talking about?"

"Jack, I'm pregnant."

"What? Liv, we haven't slept together in almost five months? Why are you just telling me now? Are you even that far along?"

"I only found out on Monday. I'm seventeen weeks. I know it's Friday… but I needed a little time to wrap my head around it. And I broke things off with Ed last night. My squad still have no idea. I only told my nanny this morning so I know whether or not to start looking for a new one."

"Wow. So it's definitely mine?" Jack asked, his eyes now flicking between Olivia's and her stomach.

"You're the only person besides Ed I've slept with in a long time. And he had a vasectomy twenty years ago." Olivia answered.

Jack nodded slowly as he let the information sink in. He looked over Olivia, allowing himself time to really examine her.

"So how do you want to deal with this?"

Olivia took a breath. "I'm not gonna stop you from seeing your baby, Jack, if that's what you want. I didn't bring you down here to ask you for money, or anything like that. I just thought you deserved to know."

"Wow. This is a lot to take in." Jack admitted. After a long pause he spoke up again. "You know when we were together, I always imagined what it would be like to have a baby with you. Now it's happening, and we're not even together never mind engaged…

"We missed out on so much because I moved to LA. And these last few of years, I can't help but ask myself what would have happened if I stayed?"

"Neither of us can tell what would have happened if we had stayed together. There's no point on dwelling on the past now. Let's just focus on the fact that - together or not - I'm carrying your baby. If you want to be a part of this, then I'm all for it. If not, I can deal with that."

"I'm in this for good, Liv. That's my baby you're having, I want to be there every step of the way. I know you'll never admit it, but you're scared of doing this alone. I know you. You're already worrying about apartments, nannies, day care, baby clothes, furniture, appointments, names, work… let me take some of the load. Just tell me what you need and I'll be there."

Olivia couldn't help but smile. "You haven't changed a bit."

"Neither have you. Now, what do you say I take you and your boy out for dinner sometime this week?"

"I say that's workload dependent but I'd like that." Olivia replied.

"So seventeen weeks that's what?"

"Just under five months."

"You showing yet?" Jack asked cautiously, not wanting to offend Olivia.

"Yeah." Olivia nodded and removed her trench coat, pulling her blazer back to show off her bump. "Doctor's happy with my weight, said the baby's heart sounds healthy. I'm going back the week after next for another ultrasound."

"Wow." Jack said quietly, his eyes fixed on Olivia's belly. "Can I- I mean is it okay if…"

"You're very welcome to come with me if you want to." Olivia nodded with a smile.

"Can you feel it moving yet?"

"I can." Olivia replied. "Just not quite from the outside yet. Give it a few weeks and you'll be able to feel your kid kicking lumps outta me."

Jack opened his mouth to reply but was cut off by a knock at Olivia's door. He watched as she quickly sat down at her desk to hide her belly before calling to whoever was at the door.

Fin popped his head in with a grimace on his face. "Liv, Dodds is here. Says he's not waiting any longer. I'm sorry."

Olivia groaned and pushed her hair behind her right ear. "Send him in. Jack I'm really sorry. I'll text you or something later."

"Sure." Jack smiled, walking around Olivia's desk and pulling her to her feet. He positioned himself in front of her, shielding her bump from her squad's eyes. "Let me know if you need anything."

Olivia nodded once more as Jack pulled her into a hug. "I do still love you, Liv."

"I love you too." Olivia whispered, unwilling to let her voice crack just before a meeting with her boss. "Now go, before you're late for work and my boss kills me."

Dodds walked in as Jack walked out. Olivia watched her boss freeze at the sight of her as the door closed behind him.

It seemed like hours before Dodds spoke. Olivia had to resist the urge to pull her blazer closer around her stomach, knowing that her boss was staring at it.

"Well, I have to say, Benson, when you said you had important matters to discuss with me. Pregnancy was the last thing I was expecting." Dodds said, sitting down in a chair across from Olivia at her desk.

"Not gonna lie, it was a shock to me too. That's not all I need to speak about but since we're on the subject." Olivia began. "I only found out on Monday. I'm already seventeen weeks. My doctor is happy with my health and that of the baby so she has no objections to me carrying on as I already am at work so long as I'm sensible about it and take it easy when things start getting tough."

Dodds nodded. "You're willing to work for as long as possible? Unless your doctor says otherwise?"

"Yes. That gives us time to get a suitable cover for the weeks I'll be gone." Olivia replied.

"Alright. And the other thing?" Dodds prompted.

"I just wanted to give you a heads up that Tucker and I are no longer together. I ended things last night."

"Because of the pregnancy?"

"Mostly yes." Olivia faltered, not wanting to reveal the rest of the story to her boss. "A few months back, Tucker and I took a break. For roughly three months. I slept with my ex-fiance, he went back home to LA, and then two months after that, Ed and I decided to try again. The guy that was just in here is the baby's father. Not Ed."

"Does Tucker know?"

"I'd be worried if he didn't. He had a vasectomy twenty years ago." Olivia answered with a small smirk.

"Anything else?"

"That's all, Chief."

"On another note, someone's looking over us. I think the higher ups are tired of paying for SVU's cars to get fixed up. You're getting four new unmarked Ford Explorers instead of your old crown vics. So get your squad to empty the old cars, they're being towed at noon. The new cars are already down in the parking lot."

Olivia stared at her boss in shock. When she had put in the request for more vehicle maintenance she hadn't expected to be given four new cars.

"Okay, watch your step, Benson. I don't need you or your kid getting hurt on my watch."

Olivia assured Dodds that she would and watched him walk out of her office, presumably going to lecture someone else.

She sat back in her chair and crossed her arms across the top of her belly as she debated when and how to tell her squad. She knew none of them would be devastated that she and Tucker were no longer together, but she didn't want them to think that she had gone and slept with Jack behind Ed's back. Now she wished she had told them about the split before instead of throwing phrases like 'it's complicated' at them whenever they asked if everything was okay.

She settled on trying to make a dent in the mountains of paperwork she had before breaking the news to her detectives. They were actually working for once rather than spending their time bickering like siblings over TV shows and sports teams. While she sometimes found their debates comical and occasionally joined in, she also wished that sometimes they would just get their heads down and work instead of leaving their paperwork to the last minute.

Right now, they were using their time wisely, she wasn't about to interrupt them so they could complain that they had no time to fill out their fives.

The silence didn't last long however as Carisi turned to Amanda and asked her how her team had done in their game the night before, knowing they had lost. Olivia didn't pay much attention and she had no idea what sport they were even talking about, but as she watched them focus more on their friendly debate and less on their work, she decided to bite the bullet and get the revelation over and done with.

Before she could change her mind, she moved to the door and called them all in, quickly returning to her seat and folding her arms on her desk, hiding her belly for the time being.

Once Amanda had closed the door behind her, the three detectives scattered around their boss' office, waiting to hear what she had to say.

"There's a couple of things you guys need to know." Olivia started slowly. "The first is that I ended things with Tucker last night. Now, Fin, before you hunt Ed down and kill him, this was my decision. If he had anything to do with it we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"Shit, you okay?" Fin asked. He hadn't known what to make of Liv and Tucker's relationship at first, but over time he got used to it and was just glad to see his good friend happy.

"I've been better. But I'm okay." Olivia shrugged.

"What's the other thing?" Carisi asked cautiously. "You're not leaving, are you?"

"Not yet." Olivia sat back in her seat and rested her hands on top of her rounded belly, revealing her bump to her squad. "The second thing I wanted to tell you, is that I found out on Monday morning that I'm seventeen weeks pregnant."

The squad was silent. Olivia let out a light chuckle at the stunned expressions on the three faces in front of her. She ran one hand down the front of her bump, smoothing out her top before she moved her hand to fidget with a pen on her desk.

Amanda was the first to break the silence, "Any relation between the two?"

"Yeah, yeah there is." Olivia sighed. "But not in the way you think. Ed didn't go running for the hills when I told him. In fact I only told him last night."

"What are you not telling us, Liv?" Fin pushed, sensing that Olivia was holding back.

"The reason I left Tucker is because he isn't the baby's father." Olivia smirked when everyone's jaws dropped. "Five months ago, we went through a patch where we broke up for around three months. We didn't really tell anyone when it happened. During that time, I slept with an ex-fiance of mine who was back in town. It only happened twice and then two months later, Ed and I decided to give things another go."

"But I thought you were on the pill?" Amanda frowned.

"I was. Up until Ed and I got together. There was no need for it. The chances of me actually getting pregnant were tiny, and even if they were higher, Ed had a vasectomy twenty years ago. So there was no need." Olivia shrugged. "When I slept with Jack I figured the risk of pregnancy was tiny, especially given my age. And the fact that it took Jack and I over three years to conceive when we were together and actually trying for a baby…

"So I left Ed last night, told him the truth about who it was I slept with. He tried to get me to stay, but it doesn't feel right. Especially when Jack is back in New York for good and can actually be a part of his kid's life."

"Wait." Carisi exclaimed. "Jack? As in the guy that was in here this morning?"

"That would be him." Olivia nodded.

"I didn't know you were engaged before." Amanda commented. "What's your history with this guy?"

"We met in high school. Stayed together until just after I got my detective shield. He proposed three years before that and then he got an opportunity in LA that was too good to pass up. I told him to go and then broke up with him three months before we were supposed to get married. It broke both our hearts. But it was for the best, if he had stayed in New York, he would have ended up resenting me for being the reason he didn't go to LA." Olivia explained.

"We stayed in touch though. Eight weeks after he left I had a miscarriage before I even found out I was pregnant so he flew back here to see me. He came back when my mom died and helped me plan her funeral. He always checked in when he knew something was going on with me, sometimes just because he felt like it or he missed me. After Lewis he offered to come back but I convinced him I was fine. He checked in regularly after that… Then two weeks after Ed and I split, he called and said he was back in town and took me to dinner."

"Wow. What does he think about the baby?"

"He's ecstatic. We got interrupted when Dodds arrived, but he texted me on his was to work and told me that he knows I'm worried about what people will think but all I need to know is that he always wanted a family with me and that's what matters." Olivia said, allowing a small smile to cross her face. "Work permitting for both of us he's taking Noah and I to dinner at some point. And he's gonna try to make it to my next appointment to see the baby for himself."

"Easier said than done, I know. But don't worry about what people think. If Tucker is still on good terms with you then he won't let people spread shit about you. We won't either. We've got your back, Liv." Carisi smiled softly. "But now I need details. What's his last name? How old is he? What does he do for a living? Is he clean? Is he treating you right? What does he drive? What brought him back to New York? Where is he staying?"

Olivia laughed at her youngest detective. She was surprised at just how much personal information she had already revealed to her squad, but they were her family, so she supposed a little more wouldn't do any damage.

"His name is Jackson Laurence Kellan. He's the same age as me. He's a doctor at Mercy. He's clean - I checked. He's treating me as right as you can treat your pregnant ex. He drives a suburban. He came back to New York because he missed home. He's staying in an apartment near my place."

"I'm gonna run him anyway." Fin teased Olivia, though she had no doubt that he'd do it.

Before anyone could say another word, Olivia's desk phone rang. When she put it down she looked around her squad. "Quiet day's over. All hands on deck, two teenage girls - Miranda Jennings and Kayleigh Miller - were just kicked out of a car at Mercy. Both are beat up pretty good and both have signs of sexual assault."

Everyone made to leave Olivia's office before she stopped them, taking the keys from her drawer. "Oh, one last thing. Our prayers have been answered. We got four new cars this morning. They're in the parking lot already. Treat them like your children. I don't want to have to tell Dodds we fucked the cars already."

"We got four new cars?" Fin exclaimed.

"Four black, unmarked explorers kitted out with all our usual gadgets. Rollins, here's the keys. Let's roll."

~X~

During the drive to the ER, all four had been lost in their own thoughts. Amanda and Carisi deep in conversation about their boss' pregnancy announcement while Fin simply observed Olivia as she drove.

It was an odd sight, seeing Olivia with a baby bump and it would take some getting used to, but he was happy for her. They all were.

Upon arriving at the hospital, Fin and Olivia followed Rollins and Carisi inside. When they rounded the corner towards the reception desk, the two younger detectives faltered.

Olivia and Fin broke off their conversation and looked up to see none other than Ed Tucker leaning on the desk, staring straight at them.

"As if it wasn't self conscious enough about having my belly out in the open for the first time…" Olivia muttered to her friend. "Now Ed's here too and it's like I'm rubbing it in his face."

Fin put a comforting hand on Olivia's shoulder. "You had no idea he'd be here."

Before Olivia could say anything else, their small group came to a stop in front of Tucker and she felt Fin's hand drop away from her back.

"Tucker." Rollins started with a sigh. "To what do we owe the pleasure?"

Tucker's eyes were immediately drawn to Olivia, falling to the plum coloured top clinging to her rounded belly. He took a deep breath before he brought his eyes back up to address the squad.

"You're here for the girls that were thrown out a car?" The squad nodded and Tucker continued. "We just got a call from the nurse, one of the girls let slip that the guy was dressed like a cop."

Olivia let out a sigh. "Okay, will you at least let us investigate the sexual assault?"

"Of course. We don't know that the perp actually was a cop. I just came down to give you a heads up and ask you to keep me posted on what you find." Tucker nodded.

"Okay. Now, if you'll excuse us, we're gonna go talk to the girls." Olivia replied, not wanting to hang around for too long.

Tucker nodded once more and without another word he walked away, heading for the exit while the SVU squad watched.

Once he was gone, Olivia turned to her detectives. "Well that was awkward. And on that note, Rollins, Carisi you take Miranda Jennings. Fin you're with me we'll talk to Kayleigh."

The detectives nodded and turned to the nurse behind the desk for the girls' room numbers.

It was almost five hours later when Fin and Olivia joined Amanda and Carisi in the waiting room. The two seasoned officers let themselves fall into the plastic seats as Amanda and Carisi pulled their notepads from their pockets.

"All Miranda was able to tell us is that there were two guys, one black, one white. Both dressed at cops. She was unconscious when they threw her from the car and doesn't remember anything else." Carisi began.

"But, according to her nurse, her memories may come back in bits and pieces, only time will tell." Amanda added.

"Okay, lucky for us, Kayleigh was able to give us much more information than that." Fin said, looking to Olivia.

"She said that she and Miranda were taken from outside their school around five to six months ago. Both are in the same foster home with abusive parents who wouldn't even blink twice when they didn't come home. Since then they've been held in the basement of a building, but she has no idea where that building was.

"The same guys Miranda mentioned were the ones who held them along with one other female who took care of them. She fed them, kept them clean, any injuries were taken care of. She occasionally tried to defend them when the guys came to them." Olivia explained. "Kayleigh was pretty traumatised, it took a few start, stops, but still was able to give us a lot to go on. Including the badge numbers of the cops."

"Kayleigh was also able to give us a pretty good description of all three. Though she did admit that it was normally dark so the details could be sketchy." Fin commented. "We've sent the notes to the sketch artist."

Carisi looked at his watch and sighed when he heard his stomach grumble. "Alright, I need grub, what do you guys say we go grab something to eat? It's two in the afternoon, way past lunchtime."

His words made Olivia realise how hungry she was and she put a hand to her belly before she stood up and nodded. "I'm in. Fin? Rollins?"

"You know me, I'll never turn down food." Fin grinned.

"I'm not goin' back to the precinct by myself." Amanda shrugged.

"Anyone in the mood for anything specific?" Carisi asked.

All eyes turned to Olivia and she stared back at them. "What? I'm pregnant so now nobody else can choose where we eat?"

"Just checking." Carisi grinned. "What about that burger joint near the precinct?"

Everyone nodded before they headed back towards the exit. As they neared the two large black cars, Amanda broke the peaceful silence.

"Ride with me, Lieutenant?"

Olivia was surprised at the request but didn't fight it. She passed her keys to Fin and told Carisi to go with the other detective as she followed Amanda to her car.

Once the two women were in the car, Amanda put the keys in the ignition but didn't start the engine. She waited a moment before she turned to look at Olivia.

"Listen, Liv, I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, but I like to think that over the last couple of years that's gotten a little better. I'm not saying we're best friends or anything close to that, but we're not at each other's throats as much as we were at first…"

Olivia had no idea where Amanda was going with their talk, but she nodded for the blonde to continue.

"We've both been through some stuff since I got here, you a lot more than me. But we've both managed to get through it in one piece, more or less." Amanda said. "When I told you I was pregnant with Jessie, you were nothing but supportive and you gave me advice. Since I had Jessie, that's only increased. I know I haven't always been the most supportive, but what I'm really trying to say is that if you need anything, I'm here. I know you have other people to go to for support, but I just wanted you to know."

Olivia took a deep breath. She used one hand to wipe away the stray tears and reached over to Amanda with the other. She gave the blonde's hand a gentle squeeze.

"Thank you. That means a lot to me." Olivia told her gently. "And yeah, I have other people I can go to. But none of em have ever been pregnant on the job."

Amanda nodded silently and started the engine. "By the time we get there Fin and Carisi will be on their way back to the precinct."

Olivia only chuckled and adjusted her seatbelt as Amanda pulled out of the parking lot and drove towards the diner.

~X~

"Finally!" Fin exclaimed when he saw Olivia and Amanda approaching. "What took you guys so long? We were beginning to wonder if you'd been abducted by aliens."

"Now you sound like Munch." Olivia joked, making her friend laugh.

"Sorry we're so late. It's my fault." Amanda apologised as the young waitress approached them.

After ordering their food, the squad sat quietly for a few moments. Just as Carisi opened his mouth to speak, Olivia's phone cut him off.

"This had better be good." Olivia grumbled as she pulled her phone from her pocket. She raised her eyebrow when she call the caller ID. "Benson."

The squad watched as their Lieutenant tried to fight the smile on her face.

" _That's very professional for the father of your kid."_

"Jack… I thought you were working." Olivia questioned.

" _I am. I just had a thought. Why don't I swing by your place tonight and I'll make you and Noah some dinner."_ Jack offered.

"Uh sure. I'll call you when I'm leaving."

" _One other thing, you're on the case with Miranda Jennings and Kayleigh Miller, right?"_

"Yes."

" _I got the results of Miranda's brain scan back. The brain damage is permanent. She's never gonna remember what happened to her."_

Olivia sighed. "Okay, thanks for letting me know."

" _See ya later, Liv. Send me a list of things you and the kid eat and I'll be over later."_

"I will. See ya, Jack." Olivia sighed again.

Three curious and concerned faces stared back at Olivia as she slid her phone back into her pocket.

"Everything okay?" Carisi asked.

"Trouble in paradise already?" Fin prompted simultaneously.

"Everything's fine. He just called to let me know that Miranda's brain scan came back. She's never gonna remember what happened to her. The brain damage is permanent."

"Shit." Rollins sighed. "It's a tough gig, but I suppose at least this way she'll be able to live without the nightmares."

Olivia only nodded as their food arrived.

 **I'm never sure how to end a chapter but here seemed as good a place as any. Let me know what you think since reviews help fuel my mind :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you so much for the lovely reviews and sorry for the wait :D**

 **I own nothing :(**

 **CHAPTER 3**

Jack walked into the squad room to a scene of complete chaos. He stood back and watched the many officers bustling around, searching for any signs of Olivia or her detectives.

It was only moments later when she heard shouting from behind him and turned to see Olivia's detectives each leading a perp in cuffs. Olivia walked behind them and looked surprised when she saw him.

"Okay, guys, process these three then get going. Paperwork can wait until tomorrow." Olivia told her squad.

She stood by Jack and watched as her detectives led the three perps through the squadroom to be processed. Once they were out of sight she turned to face the man beside her.

"I wasn't expecting to see you until Friday, is everything okay?" Olivia asked quietly.

Jack nodded. "Yeah, everything's fine. I just had a thought and I wanted to discuss it with you in person, that's all."

"Uh oh." Olivia smirked. "Thinking is dangerous."

"Yeah, when you do it." Jack teased as Olivia led him to her office.

Once the door was closed behind them, Olivia looked at Jack once more, waiting to see what he had to say.

"Okay, I was thinking. You have an appointment tomorrow, right?" Olivia nodded. "If possible, why don't you take the afternoon after it off. I'll speak to Lucy or Rollins and see if someone can watch Noah for a night. Then we can go out for dinner, somewhere fancy, or wherever you want, and then we can go to a hotel, or to my place, and just do whatever you want, just the two of us."

Olivia couldn't help but smile. "I like the sound of that. We just collared the guys from the girls' case, now they're being handed over to IAB. So I'm sure my squad can handle an afternoon without me."

"Great. Now, do we want a fancy restaurant or casual?"

"In between."

"Okay, hotel or my place?"

"How about we do a hotel and we can order room service instead of going to dinner?" Olivia suggested.

Jack grinned. "I like the way your mind works." He looked out into the squadroom. "What time do you think you'll get out of here tonight?"

"Soon. We're just finishing up. As soon as those guys are processed, the squad and I are going to make a run for the door before anything else comes in."

"Who's catching tonight?"

"Fin and Carisi." Olivia replied. "You wanna come to my place tonight? Order takeout and hang with Noah for a while?"

Usually, Olivia would never invite a man into her home after only two weeks of almost-dating. But this wasn't just any man. This was the love of her life. She knew that because almost twenty years, and multiple failed relationships later, she still loved him just as much as she had when they'd been engaged. The circumstances weren't exactly usual either, they had known each other for so long, kept in contact and always had each others' backs. Now she was nineteen weeks pregnant with his child and they were finding their way towards starting another relationship.

Noah had already met him a handful of times and was amazed that he was a doctor. He would spend the night asking Jack to make his 'sick' toys better, and Jack would oblige, giving them treatments of lots of playtime with Noah to make them better. All she had to do was watch so see that her man was falling more and more in love with her son every day.

They were soon interrupted by a knock on the door and she opened it to see her detectives ready to leave.

"Hey, Liv. We're heading out, just wanted to check in."

Olivia nodded. "Great, I'm just gonna grab my stuff then I'll be right behind you. I'll see you tomorrow morning, guys."

"I've got your stuff." Jack announced, nudging Olivia out of her office and turning off the light.

As they approached the elevator, Jack helped her into her trench coat and then handed her bag to her, making her squad grin knowingly at her.

Never, in all their time with Olivia had they seen her allow anyone to actually help her into her coat. There was maybe a couple of times when she had allowed her partner to hold it for her until she got an arm in, but she always took over half way through.

Once they were in the elevator, Jack pressed the button for the ground floor and the five stood in silence until the elevator reached the lobby.

Olivia bid goodbye to her detectives as she headed for Jack's car. She knew they were still watching when he took her hand in his and kissed it, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

~X~

Later that night, Olivia was sprawled on the couch wearing a pair of leggings and an old NYPD hoodie. She had been lying there for at least ten minutes watching Jack and Noah play doctor with his toys. She had to admire Jack for not brushing off the boy's request that they play the same game almost every night for two weeks straight. It was just another of the many reasons she was slowly allowing herself to think about a future with Jack again.

She rested her hand on the bottom of her belly under the hoodie, picturing what her family would look like a few months down the line.

Jack was focused on his game with Noah, making his toys better when he heard a soft gasp from Olivia. His head snapped to look at where she had sat up straight on the couch.

"Liv, you okay?" He asked, moving towards her. "Is it the baby?"

"Yeah." Olivia nodded. She looked at him and that's when he saw the smile. "Come feel this."

Jack moved to sit beside her and she moved his hand to the bottom of her bump. It was then he realised what had made her react. For the first time, the baby's kicks could be felt from the outside.

"Hey, No." Jack called, holding his free hand out to the toddler. "C'mere a sec. Put your hand on Mama's belly."

Noah did as he was told and moved into the man's arms. Jack swiftly pulled him into his lap and allowed the little boy to reach over to Olivia.

Noah looked at Olivia with a hint of confusion on his face. "What that?"

Olivia beamed down at her boy. "That's the baby kicking. It wants to let us all know that it's okay in there."

Noah's smile grew and he giggled excitedly. "Hi, Baby. I Noah. You my baby and I you brudder."

Olivia felt tears burn her eyes as Noah leaned in close and placed a gentle kiss on her stomach, just above their hands.

"Sorry to ruin the moment, guys, but mama has to pee." Olivia chuckled as she stood from the couch and made her way to the bathroom.

When she returned, she found Noah and Jack back on the floor. This time though, they weren't playing, they were deep in conversation, and Olivia stopped to lean against the wall to listen, unwilling to disturb them.

"You love Mommy?" Noah asked Jack quietly. "Cus you kiss her. Mommies only kiss people they love. Does Mommy love you?"

Jack inched closer to her son and she smiled at his reply. "I love your mommy very much, Noah. I have for a long time. And I like to think that your mommy does love me."

Noah seemed satisfied with the answer and looked at Jack with a thoughtful face. "Is Baby a boy?"

"We don't know yet." Jack replied. "It could be a boy or a girl."

"I no mind. I love Baby." Noah grinned. "You mind?"

"I don't mind either, No. I love Baby too. And so does your mommy."

Olivia looked at the clock and sighed. She hated to break up their heart to heart but it was way past her son's bedtime and it was obvious that he was getting tired.

It took her a while to convince Noah that Jack would come back again to make his toys better, but eventually the young boy agreed and went to brush his teeth. She bent to start clearing up the chaos left behind but Jack stopped her and quickly put the toys away himself.

When Noah returned to the living room, Olivia told him to say goodnight to Jack so she could take him to bed. She was surprised but completely unbothered when he requested that both she and Jack read him his story.

Jack complied happily and allowed Noah to lead him to his bedroom. Once there, Olivia watched Noah pick out his favourite book and jump onto the small sofa bed in his room. He had his own bed across the room, but he preferred to have his story on the sofa, that way there was more space for him to cuddle.

Olivia smiled as she lowered herself down beside her boys. The olive green sofa bed had been bought for the nights when Lucy had to stay, whether it was because Olivia wouldn't be home at all, or it was too late for the young woman to go home herself. Noah had objected at first, saying that green was a yucky colour, but once Olivia had finished decorating his room in the light blues and green tones that she and Noah had chosen, he had come to love the couch and used it all the time.

By the time Jack had finished reading the story, Noah was sound asleep in Olivia's lap with his head against her shoulder.

She stood up easily, knowing she wouldn't be able to put him to bed like this for much longer, and gently laid him down on his bed, covering him with the duvet and ensuring that his favourite stuffed bunny was nearby.

She placed a gentle kiss on his head, assuring her sleeping son that she loved him before she turned on the nightlight and led Jack from the room.

Once they were in the living room, the pair sat down on the couch, Olivia nestled into Jack's side.

"I heard you and Noah talking about the baby earlier, about whether it's a boy or a girl. What do you want it to be?" Olivia asked curiously.

"I would love a baby girl. I'd also love a baby boy. I'm happy either way. All I care about is that our baby is healthy." Jack answered. "What about you?"

"I'm not sure I'd know what to do with a girl." Olivia joked. "Seriously though, I don't care. I never thought I'd get this chance so I'm not gonna be picky."

The two laughed before Olivia spoke up again. "We can find out at my appointment tomorrow. Usually it's at the twenty week ultrasound, but my doctor is away next week so we pushed the appointment up a week. She says if the baby is showing off then she'll be able to tell the gender."

"Do you want to find out?" Jack asked.

"I'm not sure. I kinda like the element of surprise, but I'd also like to be prepared." Olivia mused. "What about you?"

"I don't mind either way. It's your choice." Jack assured her.

Olivia looked up at him. "Do you really mean that?"

He nodded. "Liv, I never thought I'd get this chance with you. I'm just happy it's happening. I don't need to know every detail to be happy about this."

Olivia let his words sink in. She mulled them over for a few moments before she spoke. "I don't know whether or not to find out what we're having. It would be nice to not have to refer to the baby as 'it' all the time, but like I said, I like the element of surprise. Would you be mad if I wanted to find out?"

"Liv, I just told you that it's your choice. I'm not gonna get mad at you if you want to know." Jack assured her. "We should probably start thinking about names, too. Could take a while to find some that we agree on."

"You got any names you like?" Olivia asked.

"I've always liked the name Grace. But I think it's a better middle name than a first name, not many middle names go with Grace."

Olivia mulled the name over and nodded in approval. "I like it."

"Listen, Liv, I don't know what your thoughts are on the baby's last name but…"

"Kellan." Olivia cut him off.

"What?"

"Kellan. The baby's last name is gonna be Kellan. He or she is gonna be your son or daughter. I hope to god that we do, but even if we don't work out, at the end of the day, you're still the father."

"You have no idea how much that means to me." Jack admitted, his voice barely a whisper as he turned to make eye contact with Olivia.

Olivia leaned up as far as she could and cupped Jack's jaw, pulling him into a soft kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too, Liv." Jack smiled. "Now back to baby names. You got any that you like?"

"I'm not sure. What if the baby doesn't suit the name when it's born?"

"We brainstorm and come up with a name that does suit it." Jack assured her. "You had any thoughts on names for a boy?"

"I have no idea." Olivia admitted. "I think maybe we should start studying the name books."

"We could call it Benson?" Jack laughed at the incredulous look Olivia gave him. "Or not. Though we could always use Benson as a middle name."

"I'll think about it." Olivia agreed. "But for now, I think we should just celebrate the fact that we managed to almost agree on a girl's name."

Jack chuckled as Olivia moved to straddle him on the couch, her lips finding his once more as she did.

~X~

Jack watched Olivia closely as she lay on the bed awaiting the ultrasound. The nurse had noted that she had put on a little more weight than she would like, and since then Olivia had been trying to figure out where she was going wrong. Between running the squad and running after Noah, she was barely managing to fit regular meals in never mind snacking.

He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, trying to remind her that the nurse hadn't told her the weight gain was dangerous, but only that she would need to keep an eye on it.

He had to suppress a smirk when Olivia almost jumped out of her skin upon the doctor entering the room.

"Okay, Olivia, how are you feeling this week?" Doctor Goodwin smiled as she helped Olivia roll up her shirt. "Still good?"

"Yeah. You can feel the baby moving from the outside now so that was an experience." Olivia smiled as the doctor moved the probe towards her stomach.

"Jenny mentioned to me that you've put on a little more weight than ideal since your last appointment. Not enough that it's dangerous or anything. Now, your weight was perfect the last time I saw you, have you changed your eating habits at all?"

"Not in the slightest." Olivia answered.

"Okay, it could just be that Baby is growing a little faster and therefore your body is making you eat more sub-consciously. We'll find out in just one moment." Dr Goodwin replied. "If you look on screen now, you guys can see your baby."

Olivia squeezed Jack's hand as the screen was filled with the image of their son or daughter. She beamed happily as the sound of the baby's quick heartbeat echoed in the small room.

"That's exactly what's going on here. Baby is just growing a little quicker than expected. That doesn't mean that anything is wrong, some babies just grow quicker than others do. So long as you keep taking care of yourself, Olivia, you and the baby should both remain perfectly healthy. Now, do you guys want to know what you're having?"

Jack looked at Olivia and nodded at her, reminding her that the choice was hers. She nodded slowly before she turned to the doctor and spoke up.

"Yeah. If you can tell us that would be great."

~X~

Olivia leaned back in her chair and smoothed her shirt down over her large bump, letting her hands come to rest at the bottom. She still hadn't told the squad that she knew the gender of the baby, despite the constant questions - mostly from Carisi.

Over the two months since the appointment, she and Jack had finally found a large apartment that they both liked. Now they were starting to decorate the baby's nursery while juggling work and Noah.

Olivia sighed as she watched her detectives finish up their paperwork. Recently, she'd taken a considerable step back at work. Mostly she stayed in and completed her paperwork, participating in the discussions in the squadroom and overseeing interrogations, but aside from Barba's office and court appearances, she couldn't remember the last time she had stepped foot outside of the squadroom.

Despite the doctor's assurance that the baby was healthy, she wanted to take every precaution to ensure that it stayed that way. Not only that, but she had noticed a considerable decline in her energy levels, especially when it came to being on her feet all day.

"You okay, Liv?"

Olivia looked up to see Amanda making her way towards her desk.

"I look like I'm about to pop and I'm only twenty seven weeks. What the hell am I gonna look like at nine months?" Olivia grinned, shifting her weight to lean on her desk.

"You look fine Liv. I just came to let you know that I'm heading out. And Carisi is offering to drive you home. But he's not taking no for an answer. So if you need me to, I can hoist you outta that chair and kick your ass all the way to the car."

"A hand up would be great, ass kicking not required." Olivia smirked as she gathered the files from her desk and grabbed her phone.

Amanda helped Olivia out of the chair and smiled at her large bump. "How are things with Mr. Doctor?"

"Amazing. He's been so good with Noah, and starting to set up the nursery and all that stuff. We're finally settled in the new place, Noah loves his room. I've never seen him so excited as he was when we told him that the baby will be next door to him when it's a little bigger."

Amanda grinned at the thought of Noah preparing for his younger brother or sister. On the occasions that she had seen him since Olivia had announced her pregnancy, the boy had done nothing but talk about 'his' baby and all the things he wanted to teach it.

~X~

Olivia thanked Carisi for the ride home and climbed out of his car with a grateful smile. Just as she approached the door to her apartment building, she saw Jack approaching with Noah.

"Hey, where have you guys been?" Olivia smiled before she gave Jack a kiss on the cheek.

"Dinner!" Noah grinned.

"We went to the store so we can cook you dinner. But you're home earlier than we anticipated." Jack explained, taking Olivia's bag from her.

Olivia simply smiled at the two of them as she followed them to the elevator.

Once they were in the apartment, Jack ordered Olivia into a bath while he and Noah began to prepare dinner.

It was only half an hour later when Olivia entered the kitchen wearing a pair of Jack's light grey sweats and a plain white tank top with an NYPD hoodie.

"Hey." Olivia smiled as she leaned against the kitchen doorway, watching her guys cook.

Jack faltered when his eyes landed on Olivia. Her hair was pulled back into a loose bun with a few strands falling to frame her face. She seemed so relaxed. It was a pleasant change from the ball of stress she had been when he had first returned to New York.

"Hi." Jack finally found his words as he watched Olivia fold her arms over the top of her bump and rest her head against the wall. "Dinner is almost ready. Noah set the table. Go take a seat."

Olivia nodded and moved to the table where a vase of red roses sat in the middle. She turned to look over her shoulder into the kitchen just in time to see Jack carrying through three plates filled with a simple roast dinner.

He waited for Noah to climb onto his chair next to Olivia before he laid out the plates. As Jack sat down, Noah jiggled excitedly, announcing to Olivia that he had been allowed to help choose what was for dinner that night.

"That was amazing." Olivia sighed as she placed her cutlery on her empty plate.

"I'm glad you liked it."Jack grinned.

Olivia watched as he leaned over to Noah and whispered something before the young boy ran off to the living room. When he returned, Jack pulled him into his lap and took the bag from him.

"Mama, we gots stuff for you." Noah grinned excitedly.

Jack placed the bag on the empty chair next to him and pulled out a long box. "Noah picked this out especially for you."

Olivia opened the box and tears welled in her eyes when she took in the dainty necklace. There was a single charm on the silver chain, an N with Noah's birthstone on the end.

"When the baby is born, once we have an initial, we'll get another charm with the birthstone in it too." Jack explained.

"It's beautiful."

Olivia removed the necklace from the box and fastened around her neck as Jack retrieved the next item from the bag. When she looked up, her breath caught in her throat when she saw Jack kneeling on one knee in front of her.

She stayed silent as Jack took her left hand in his own while he held Noah to his side with the other arm.

"Liv. You know I love you. I always have. I couldn't ask for anyone better to be the mother of my child. I know that this time around, we've barely been together for eight weeks, but I'm not going anywhere, I'm in this for good. And I'd like to spend the rest of my life with you. So, Olivia Margaret Benson, will you marry me?"

Olivia nodded speechlessly as tears streamed down her face. "Yes!"

Jack handed the ring to Noah and held Olivia's hand as the three year old gently pushed the ring onto his mother's finger.

"I love you." Olivia whispered as she pulled Jack into her, hugging him tightly.

"I love you too." Jack beamed.

The rest of the night was a blur. While they didn't celebrate their engagement like most couples, Olivia wouldn't have it any other way as she lay on the couch with Jack and Noah, watching Noah's favourite movie before they put him to bed.

"Can we wait a little before we get married?" Olivia whispered as Noah stayed glued to the TV. "I'm huge. I don't want to be this size on our wedding day. I want Noah and our baby to be there, and I want to lose some weight before I have to stand in front of everyone we know with all of their attention on us."

"Of course we can. You're beautiful whether you feel huge or not, but if you want to wait, then that's what we'll do."

"Thank you." Olivia smiled, stroking Noah's hair as she realised that he'd fallen asleep. Without another word, Jack kissed the top of Olivia's head and moved to scoop Noah up and take him to bed.


	4. Chapter 4

**There is absolutely no excuse for the ridiculous amount of time between updates. I'm sorry :-/ If you're still here I love you :-D**

 **CHAPTER 4**

"I don't wanna go to work." Olivia whined as she sat up and turned off her alarm.

"You have to. I'm gonna be at work. Noah will be at school. You'll be here on your own, babe." Jack grinned as he emerged from the bathroom and rolled up his shirt sleeves.

"It's just so boring sitting behind a desk doing paperwork all day." Olivia groaned as she stood and moved to her closet in search of work clothes.

Jack watched Olivia with a small smile as she pulled on a cream coloured long sleeved top and then adjusted the waistband of her pants.

"God I can't wait until I can go into my closet and can pick out anything I want because it will all fit me again."

"Liv, you look great. Your clothes look great. Put a smile on your face and it'll all look even better."

Olivia only sighed as she let her hair out of its ponytail, deciding to let the loose curls stay as they were for the day. She was putting the finishing touches to her makeup when she heard Jack let Lucy into the apartment.

The young woman had been a god-send recently, picking up more hours whenever they needed her. Olivia listened to Noah telling Lucy all about his friends from school as Jack made his way back into the bedroom.

"You need a ride to the precinct?"

"Yeah, please. That would be great." Olivia nodded as she grabbed her blazer and threw it on, slipping her badge around her neck.

"Go say goodbye to your boy and we'll get going, stop for breakfast on the way." Jack smiled.

~X~

"You okay?" Jack asked as he sat outside the precinct in his car, watching Olivia as she hesitated.

"I have a really bad feeling about today. I don't know why." Olivia sighed. She gave Jack's thigh a squeeze and leaned over to kiss him again. "Just be careful, and be in touch. I love you."

"I love you too, Liv. Stay safe." Jack told Olivia as she climbed out of the car.

She watched Jack drive away before she headed inside. When she arrived in the squadroom, the tense atmosphere only added to the sinking feeling in her gut.

She had barely entered her office when Fin approached her.

"Liv, sorry to ruin your peaceful morning but we got a case. Young girl was assaulted in Central Park in the early hours of the morning. Young couple out jogging found her in the bushes. Amanda and Carisi are on their way to the scene now. Girl just woke up. She had to be sedated to allow the doctors to treat her injuries. Doc says she's ready to give us her statement."

Olivia nodded. "Let's go then."

~X~

"It's not much bu-" Olivia was cut off by the noise of gunshots echoing down the hallway. "Shit!"

Olivia and Fin took off down the hall towards the waiting room as people came running towards them.

As they neared the waiting room, they slowed and drew their weapons while Olivia put in a call for backup.

"Liv, be careful." Fin told her quietly as they peered into the waiting area.

Olivia let her eyes roam over the room. She could see one gunman with his back to her. The last thing she wanted to do was startle him and set him off again. She could count at least fifteen injured, on the floor and on chairs in the waiting room, with varying severity to their wounds. There were others she knew were dead just at a glance. Those with minor injuries along with a handful of doctors and nurses, were trying their best to administer first aid to those with more serious injuries.

Her stomach churned as she looked at Fin. They couldn't do much with only two of them, but they were reluctant to wait for backup to arrive, knowing that the gunman could be set off again at any moment.

"No, no no no no no!" The gunman began pacing as sirens could be heard approaching, the lights drawing closer. "No!"

Olivia gave Fin a nod and they stepped out into the room, raising their guns towards the gunman.

"NYPD. Drop your weapon!" Olivia ordered as they moved nearer.

Olivia took a deep breath as she noticed Jack on the floor barely two feet from her. He was hunched over a woman with a wound to her chest. His right arm was drenched in blood, but it was impossible to tell whether it was his or the woman's.

"Drop it." Fin repeated.

"What you gonna do if I don't? Huh?" The gunman threatened, waving his machine gun in the air. "Hey, Lady-Cop. What you think your boyfriend would do if I put a bullet in you?"

"I'll put a bullet in your head before you can even think about pulling the trigger." Fin replied darkly.

"What? You can't stand up for yourself? Need your man to protect you? You're not cut out for this are you?"

"I don't need protected. I have a gun and I know how to use it. So I suggest you _drop_ your weapon. Now." Olivia growled.

The gunman simply grinned as he raised his gun towards Fin and Olivia.

~X~

Jack's heart stopped when he saw Olivia and Fin slowly enter the room. He knew she had been at the hospital, but he had been praying that they had gone by the time the maniac with a machine gun let loose.

He tried to focus on the woman in front of him, but he knew it was no use, she was bleeding out and there was nothing he could do for her now.

He tried to zone out the gunman's threat to shoot Olivia, but as Olivia replied, he couldn't help but turn his gaze towards her, watching the gunman aim for the two cops.

He closed his eyes as the gunman's finger moved to the trigger. His heart jumped into his mouth as multiple shots rang out in the quiet room.

After a few moments of silence, he opened his eyes, mentally preparing himself to see both Fin and Olivia on the ground.

He let out a long breath when he saw Olivia and Fin crouching over the bullet-riddled body of the gunman, pronouncing him dead as Olivia felt for a pulse.

~X~

Olivia looked up as she announced that the gunman was dead. Her eyes met Jack's across the room and it was then that she realised she was shaking like a leaf.

At that moment, the door to the room opened and officers flooded the area.

"Excitement's over." Fin stated dryly. "He's dead."

Jack stood up and made his way behind the nurse's desk, putting out a call to the rest of the hospital requesting that all available doctors and nurses make their way to the waiting room to help with the injured.

He wiped the blood from his hands with his lab coat before carefully placing it over the body of the woman he had tried to save.

As he made his way to another injured woman, he looked over at Olivia just in time to see her helping another officer lift a teenage girl onto a stretcher.

Turning his attention back to the woman on the floor, he and another doctor lifted her onto a gurney, as they pushed it out of the room, Jack shot one look back to Olivia just in time to see her being ushered out of the waiting room by a nurse.

~X~

Jack couldn't take his eyes off of Olivia as they sat on the couch eating their Chinese food. After the morning's events at the hospital he had barely spoken to her. They had talked briefly after she had been checked over before she was promptly whisked away by someone from IAB.

When he got home, she was in the process of putting Noah to bed and so now was the first moment he'd had to talk properly.

"You okay?" Olivia asked as she placed her empty plate on the coffee table.

Jack took a deep breath. "I've never been as scared as I was this morning."

"Watching over twenty people being shot by a lunatic with a machine gun will do that do you." Olivia replied.

"No. I mean yes, that scared me. But I have never been more terrified… I have never felt such a real fear as the fear I felt when he pointed that gun at you. I heard the gunshots and I didn't want to open my eyes in case it wasn't you who had fired." Jack explained, his voice quiet.

"He was never going to shoot me. Whether he wanted to or not, Fin wouldn't let him. I have quick reflexes, and yes some of the bullets in his chest are mine… but Fin has an eye for that stuff. His reflexes are crazy quick. He fired before that guy even had a chance to think about pulling the trigger. I trust Fin with my life. I trust my whole squad with my life, but I've known Fin for seventeen years. He's been by my side through everything and never once has he let me down or turned me away when I needed someone." Olivia told Jack.

"You weren't scared?"

"I was petrified. No matter how much you train, how many times you go down to the gun range and practice shooting at targets… paper targets aren't threatening your life or anyone else's. I've been a cop for over twenty years and I still get scared when someone points a gun at me. The training prepares you for that, it teaches you to swallow your fear and think rationally when others wouldn't. But it doesn't prepare you for the feeling of standing in front of an armed psychopath at seven months pregnant, with no vest and the love of your life and the father of your kids five feet away. The only times I have ever been as scared as I was this morning, is when Noah was involved in a drive-by, and when another kid at the park pulled a gun in the sandbox."

Jack's jaw dropped and he let out an uncertain laugh. "You're shitting me?"

Olivia shook her head. "Not long after I got custody of Noah, there was a drive-by at the park he was at with Lucy. It was related to our case at the time. But hearing the gunshots down the phone is a sound I'll never forget. And the kid at the park was abandoned, someone called it in and I was there with Noah so I went over to see if I could get the kid to talk. He pulled out a gun. I have no idea whether or not he even knew what it was, but that was not a good feeling."

"What did you do?"

"Put Noah behind me and managed to get the gun from the kid."

Jack let the information sink in. "I'm so proud of you. All you ever wanted was to be a cop and help people. And here you are, over twenty years of policing under your belt and showing no signs of stopping anytime soon. You literally achieved your dream, not many people can say that."

"I did. But look at the price I paid for it. I wouldn't change Noah, or our relationship, or our baby for the world, but I could've had this so much earlier if I had just taken a step back from the job for five minutes." Olivia sighed. "Someone once said to me that as long as you're on the job, any other relationship you have will always be an affair. I laughed it off, but fourteen years later I was married to the job with an unhealthy relationship with a partner who straight up abandoned me, a string of questionable relationships and too many one night stands, no kids, nobody to go home to… And it finally made sense."

"You've got it all now, Liv. The job, the man, the kids, the nice apartment, decent car… all we're missing is a dog."

"Oh god." Olivia laughed. "Don't let Noah hear you say that."

"What? You don't think we should get a dog? You don't like 'em?" Jack asked.

"I like them. But right now isn't the time to get a dog. Not with a toddler and a baby on the way. Maybe once we're used to juggling two kids and busy jobs we can think about it. But just… not yet."

"I hear ya, now I don't know about you but I've had a really long day and I have work tomorrow, so I say we go to bed."

"Shit I forgot to tell you, I have a week off to get cleared for duty by a shrink."

"What? Can they do that? He killed nine people, injured fourteen."

"It's mandatory, whenever we are shot at, attacked, have to fire our weapons, we have to be cleared for duty. It saves cops going off the rails after incidents. Or at least it's supposed to."

"Fair enough. But I still want to go to bed. You with me?" Jack asked, standing and holding a hand out to Olivia.

"I'm with ya." Olivia said, allowing Jack to pull her to her feet and take her to bed.

~X~

"Good to have you back, Lieutenant." Dodds smiled as Olivia entered the squadroom after a week of mandatory leave.

"It's good to be back." Olivia grinned. "I was going crazy being stuck in the apartment all the time."

Carisi made a face. "I would have thought you'd like the time off to relax."

"It's fine for a day or two but after that it just gets tedious. I have no idea how I'm gonna manage six weeks when the baby's born. And that's if I don't have to take time off before." Olivia complained.

"You'll have your new baby to focus on!" Carisi exclaimed.

"Trust me, that makes no difference." Amanda interjected dryly. "It keeps you busy, but it gets so boring."

"God, I can't wait." Olivia said sarcastically. "Just like I can't wait to get started on that mountain of paperwork on my desk. Get to work guys, can't stand around talking all day."

Olivia watched her detectives scatter to their desks before she moved to her own and opened the first of many files that required her signature.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed when she was interrupted by a knock on her door. When she looked up, Ed Tucker was the last person she expected to be at her door.

"Ed… Tucker…" Olivia stuttered as she stood from her chair. "Come in, what can I do for you?"

"Coupla things…" Ed answered as he entered the office. "Just wanna make sure you're okay after the shooting at the hospital the other morning."

"I'm okay." Olivia nodded, deciding to be honest. "It shook me up a little. My doctor checked me over and firmly suggested that I keep my ass behind a desk from now on. But I'm okay. Physically and mentally."

"They make you see a shrink?"

"What do you think?" Olivia smirked.

"Stupid question, really." Ed shrugged. "That brings me onto the other reason I'm here…"

"Which is what?"

"This." Ed held up an evidence bag and Olivia's jaw dropped when she saw her engagement ring inside. "They got it cleaned up for you, got rid of the blood. They don't need it for evidence… not sure why they needed any of your stuff for evidence, the guy killed almost ten people."

"Thanks." Olivia said softly as Ed placed the bag containing her ring.

"Congratulations." Ed smiled sadly.

"For what?" Olivia asked, instantly kicking herself.

"Don't play dumb, Benson. I don't know about you, but that looks a hell of a lot like an engagement ring to me."

"Sorry, I don't know why I said that."

"I'm glad you're happy, Liv."

"Thanks." Olivia nodded slowly.

"I gotta get back to work. Take care of yourself." Ed smiled at her.

"You too, Ed."

It was barely a minute after Ed left that Olivia's squad were in her office, demanding to know what the head of the rat squad was doing delivering evidence to their unit.

"He was dropping off my ring. They took it after the shooting. They don't need it for evidence so they got it cleaned up and sent back to me." Olivia replied, still unsure as to why it was Tucker who had been the one to deliver the ring.

"Ring?" Carisi frowned, speaking for the entire squad.

Olivia said nothing but pulled her hand from beneath her desk, revealing the ring on her left hand.

Amanda was the first to rush over and grab Olivia's hand. "He did well, Liv! Its' beautiful. The princess cut diamond and the diamonds on the band too? Keep him."

"That's the plan." Olivia chuckled as Amanda released her hand.

"When did this happen?" Fin asked.

Olivia explained about how Jack had Noah help him propose and how the shooting at the hospital had happened the next day with IAB taking her ring for evidence.

"You set a date for the wedding yet?"

"Sometime after the baby's born. A wedding would exhaust me right now and I'd be huge so I wanna wait until I can have both kids there."

"Congratulations, Lieu." Carisi grinned, with Fin and Amanda echoing his sentiments.

"Thanks guys." Olivia smiled.

"Does Barba know yet?"

"Not yet. I didn't get a chance to tell him then he jetted off to St Barts on vacation with a bunch of guys from law school. He got back last night. I'm meeting him for dinner later tonight so he'll find out then."

"He's gonna go insane you didn't tell him the second it happened." Carisi laughed as Olivia's phone rang.

When she hung up, she looked at the squad. "We got a case. The complainant 'isn't sure if it counts' but new she had to call the police. They called us. She's at Mercy, Rollins, Carisi, go there and talk to her. Fin, go to the scene and talk to the guy who found her."

Olivia watched her squad leave before she turned back to her paperwork, sighing as she looked at the never-ending pile of files on her desk.

~X~

Barba was deep in conversation with the barman when Olivia entered Forlini's. When she reached the bar, he almost choked on his drink at the sight of her.

"You haven't learned never to sneak up on people yet?" Barba joked as Olivia moved to sit on the barstool beside him.

"Not when I get to see the moment of fear and confusion on your face as you wonder who's behind you every time." Olivia grinned, ordering a club soda.

"Not drinking tonight, Lieutenant?" the barman raised an eyebrow, having never served either of the duo a non-alcoholic beverage.

Olivia took a step back and revealed her large baby bump. "Not allowed when you're growing a baby, can you believe it, Frank?"

"Wow. Congratulations." Frank smiled, serving Olivia her drink and passing menus to both her and Barba.

"Thanks."

"Why don't we finish these drinks then go back to my place and get pizza?" Barba suggested, not feeling like a fancy meal.

"Sure."

Half an hour later, Olivia collapsed onto Rafael's couch, exhausted after the walk from the bar to his apartment.

"I wish you would've let me get a car, Liv. You're exhausted." Rafael sighed as he sat down beside her after ordering their pizza.

"Yeah, me too. Lesson learned I guess." Olivia chuckled, rubbing her belly as she felt her baby moving.

Rafael handed Olivia a glass of water and took a deep breath. "I heard about what happened at the hospital, you okay?"

"I'm good. I was a little shaken up for a while, but I'm okay now." Olivia nodded.

"Let me guess, your doctor wants you handcuffed to your desk until you give birth?"

Olivia laughed. "So does Jack. Not that I can blame them. So I'm playing by the rules until then. It's not worth the risk."

"Won't be long until you can be out chasing the bad guys again." Barba grinned. "What else did I miss?"

"Not much." Olivia said casually. "I got engaged, though."

"What?" Rafael almost choked on his scotch. "When?"

"The night before the shooting at the hospital." Olivia smiled. "Jack had Noah help him out."

"Congratulations. When's the wedding?"

"Not until sometime after the baby. I don't wanna be this big in all the wedding pictures. I can barely bend over enough to put on my shoes."

"You'll be beautiful pregnant or not, Liv." Barba laughed. "But onto more serious matters, do I get a plus one?"

"Who says you're even getting an invite?"

"I do. So do I get a plus one?"

"Do you need one?"

"Maybe." Rafael answered, winking at her with a smirk.

 **Sorry about the long wait again 3**


	5. Chapter 5

**I think we all just need to stop pretending I'm ever going to update regularly :/ sorry about the wait again, thank you for the reviews, enjoy :-)**

 **CHAPTER 5**

"Rafael Barba. Did you meet someone?" Olivia exclaimed.

"I don't see how that is any of your business."

"It's my business when you want to bring someone to my wedding." Olivia smirked. "Who is he? What does he do for a living? Where's he from?"

Rafael groaned. "Oh, you're not going to give up on this,are you?"

"No. Who is he?" Olivia asked again as the door buzzer rang out.

"We went to law school together." Rafael answered as he buzzed the pizza guy upstairs.

"No. I need more than that. That's a cop out and you know it." Olivia replied immediately, leveling her friend with a calculating gaze.

Olivia watched as the ADA paid the delivery guy and brought the pizza back into the living room. As soon as he settled, she began with the interrogation.

"I need more to go on than just knowing him from law school. Name? Occupation? Star sign? First pet? First car?" Olivia grinned.

Rafael laughed. "His name is Kyle Lauder. He's a lawyer, works with high-paying clients who wish to sue everyone and anyone for everything and anything. Star signs confuse me. His first pet was a cat named Cludo and he doesn't drive."

"What's he look like?"

"Taller than me. I mean, that's not hard, but anyway… Brown hair with blue eyes. His suits cost more than mine and he drinks more coffee than I do."

"When do I get to meet him?"

Barba grinned. "I can have him come over tonight if you so desire."

"How long have you guys been together?"

"Just over two months. Trying to take it slow. Made easier by the fact that we're both crazy workaholics."

"I know I push a lot but seriously, don't feel rushed into introducing us. Take it at your pace. I'll run him regardless of when I finally meet the guy." Olivia joked.

Rafael smiled and picked up another slice of pizza as Olivia did the same.

"How many weeks are you now? And what is that in months?"

"Thirty weeks, so just under eight months. Ideally, Baby Kellan will stay put for at least another six weeks."

"You know what you're having?"

"We do."

"Are you gonna tell me?"

"I am not." Olivia smiled softly. "We'd rather just keep it to ourselves. It makes planning and decorating easier but it's fun to keep people guessing."

The two ate the rest of their pizza in silence, watching the TV before Olivia announced it was time for her to go. Before she could object, Rafael had already ordered and paid for a car to take her home, refusing to let her stand outside in the cold waiting for a cab.

"I had a good time tonight." Olivia smiled as she pulled on her jacket. "Thank you for entrusting me with your man's details, I'll be sure not to tell Carisi."

The pair chuckled at the thought of the young detective scouring every inch of the other lawyer's past, searching for the tiniest hint of anything incriminating.

Olivia smiled as Rafael put her in the car and closed the door for her. As the car pulled away, she was taken back to the day they had first met.

Both had been workaholics, married to their jobs and spending little to no time at home, working long hours and simply sleeping at the office whenever the fatigue hit them. Now, four years later, they were both finally beginning to take a step back from the job and settling down.

She had a beautiful son, a fiancee who loved her and treated her like a queen, and a baby she never thought she'd have. Rafael, though taking it slow, was opening himself to more opportunities with his partner and was spending less time working late and more time going home to make his man happy.

She suppressed a small chuckle as she remembered meeting the overconfident lawyer with the bad jokes. She never would have thought that four years on they'd be so close. She could tell Barba anything and she knew that without her express permission, he would never tell a soul.

Olivia thanked the driver as the car came to a stop outside of her apartment building. She moved on autopilot until she reached the apartment, letting herself in.

She smiled once more as she heard Noah giggling in the living room. She followed the sound and her heart melted at the sight before her.

Jack's mother was sitting on the floor with Noah, allowing the toddler to show her each and every one of his toy trains. The older woman dutifully asked questions about each one and listened carefully to the answer. Jack was hard at work creating a masterpiece of a track for the trains to run along.

"Hey guys." Olivia said softly, reluctant to interrupt the moment.

"Mama's home!" Noah cried, excitedly running to Olivia as she lowered herself to his height, knowing their was a slim chance of getting back up unassisted.

"Hey, sweet boy. Did you have a good day with Lucy?" Olivia asked.

Noah nodded and launched into an animated explanation of everything he had done that day.

"That sounds amazing. Now why don't you go get the rest of your trains out?"

Noah returned to his place beside the toy box as Jack moved to help Olivia back to her feet.

"Thank you."

"How was dinner with Barba?"

"It was interesting. He's got some stuff going on so we talked about that and then a bit about the baby. You know, if you had told me when I met him that we'd be this close, I would've had you admitted to the psych ward. He was a cocky mouthpiece in court and not much better in the precinct. But now, I cannot imagine not having him to talk to."

"Everyone needs a best friend. I'm glad he's yours." Jack nodded as his mother greeted Olivia from the floor.

 _~ Six Weeks Later ~_

Olivia shifted in her chair, she leaned forward, resting her elbows on the desk in front of her and trying to take some of the pressure off of her back. The more pregnant she got, the more ready she was to have her baby. She had been lucky in that so far the pregnancy had been uneventful in terms of her health, but she was more than ready for it to be over.

Despite the growing discomfort and the fact that she felt huge, she was happy to suck it up and deal with it if it meant she'd have a healthy baby at the end.

Her phone buzzed on the desk, alerting her to a text from Lucy, informing her that dinner would be ready by six. The young woman had really stepped up in the last few months, even more so than Olivia would have expected.

"Everything okay?" Fin asked when he saw Olivia replying to Lucy's message.

"Just Lucy letting me know she's making dinner." Olivia replied.

"When does Jack get back?"

"Tomorrow morning. I'm gonna take some time to pick him up from the airport so I won't be in until twelve."

Fin nodded. He knew the past week had been nerve wracking for his friend. At thirty six weeks pregnant, she was aware that she may not be pregnant for much longer, however, with Jack in LA helping his family deal with the death and funeral of his grandmother, she had been terrified that she would go into labor without him.

"Looking forward to having him back?"

"Yeah, it means I don't need to cross my legs and hope for the best if I go into labor." Olivia joked. "I'll be glad to have him back though."

Fin chuckled and made to leave the office. "I just came to let you know that I'm heading out. Rollins and Carisi are just finishing their DD5s, come on. Get outta here."

Olivia didn't argue as Fin helped her into her jacket and led her down to the parking lot before taking her home. She'd be glad when she could walk from her desk to the elevator without being exhausted again.

~X~

"Daddy!" Noah cried as he spotted Jack making his way through the crowded airport towards them.

Olivia stood and greeted her fiance, allowing him to pull her into a tight hug. "You doing okay?"

"It's been tough, but it's good to be home. What about you? Everything okay while I was gone?"

"All good. Lucy's been taking good care of us. We need to give that girl a pay rise, she goes above and beyond for us."

Jack only chuckled as he scooped Noah up and took Olivia's hand in his free one, walking to the car in silence.

"You okay?" Jack asked, noticing Olivia wince and put one hand to her belly as she drove towards the precinct.

"I'm good but my back is too old for this." Olivia said with a small smile.

"Call me if you need anything." Jack told her as they stopped outside.

Olivia nodded and gathered her belongings as Jack moved into the driver seat. "I'll call you later, love you."

Jack watched Olivia go. He wasn't entirely convinced that she was as okay as she was making out, but he was sure that if she really thought something was wrong, she would tell him.

~X~

"Liv, we're-" Fin stopped mid-sentence as he and Carisi walked into Olivia's office and saw her standing over her desk, gripping the edge of it. "You okay?"

Olivia shook her head. When she finally lifted her head to look at him, he could see the pain written all over her face. "I need to go to the hospital."

"Come on, let's go." Fin grabbed Olivia's bag as she made her way towards the door.

When they reached the car, Carisi paused. "You want the front or the back, Lieu?"

"Back." Olivia answered, letting out a small moan of pain.

Carisi opened the back door and allowed Fin to help Olivia climb into the back of the explorer.

"You want me to sit back there with you in case you need anything?" Carisi asked, hovering by the back door.

"No." Olivia shook her head, her face screwing up against the pain and discomfort she was feeling.

"You sure?"

"I'll be fine!" Olivia snapped. "Just get in the damn car."

Without a word, Carisi climbed into the front seat as Fin started the engine and turned on the lights and sirens.

"Call Jack and tell him to meet us there." Fin told her as he pulled out into the heavy afternoon traffic.

Olivia let out a pained cry just as Jack answered her call.

" _Liv? Baby, you okay?"_

"I'm on my way to the hospital, will you meet me there?"

" _Of course. Do you want me to stay on the phone?"_

"No, it's okay. I'll see you soon."

Olivia hung up and let out another cry of pain and gasped as her waters broke all over the back seat. "Oh my god."

"What's up, Liv? Everything okay?" Fin asked, glancing in the rear view mirror.

"My water just broke." Olivia answered, gripping the back of Carisi's seat.

When Olivia squeezed his shoulder with the next contraction, Carisi looked back at his boss in concern. "When did the contractions start?"

"About eight o'clock last night. They've been about twenty minutes apart all day but they weren't this bad." Olivia answered, letting out a strangled gasp. "Oh my god."

"Liv?"

"I can feel its head!" Olivia said breathlessly. "I can't have the baby in a car!"

"Liv take off your seatbelt." Carisi told her, still turned in his seat to face her.

Olivia did as she was told and leaned forward to grip Carisi's arm once more as she cried out with the next contraction.

"How much further?" Olivia asked Fin.

"In this traffic, twenty minutes."

"We don't have twenty minutes." Olivia answered shakily.

Fin and Carisi shared a worried glance as Olivia cried out again.

"Liv, take your pants down. If this baby is as close as you say, you're gonna have to do this here. You want me to stop so Carisi can come back there and help you out?"

Olivia groaned in pain before answering, her words rushed as she tried to answer before the next contraction. "No, keep going."

Fin nodded and continued navigating his way through the traffic, periodically glancing behind him at his friend. As Olivia moved to lean back against the seat, he stole a glance at Carisi.

He had to suppress a laugh when he saw the younger detective's face. All colour was gone from his face and he seemed to be in shock as he watched Olivia.

Fin glanced at Carisi again just as Olivia collapsed against the seat behind her. The younger man looked like he was going to throw up as he tried to think of something to say.

"At lease we know the kid has a head." Carisi commented as Olivia gave a strained cry.

"She'll kill you if she hears you say something like that." Fin laughed. "How you doing, Liv?"

Olivia was panting for breath in the back seat, before she could answer, another contraction took over and she pushed hard once more with a strained cry.

Before either Fin or Carisi could say a word, the sound of a newborn baby's cries filled the car.

"Oh my god." Olivia gasped, collapsing against the seat as she lifted her newborn baby to her chest,

"Congrats, Liv." Fin smiled genuinely, he looked in the rear view mirror at his exhausted boss as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"I can't believe I just did that." Olivia breathed.

Carisi just stared at the scene before him, speechless as Fin finally pulled into the hospital parking lot, five minutes after Olivia had given birth.

~X~

Fin looked up as Amanda and Barba entered the waiting room.

"Any news?"

"How is she?"

"Mom and baby are both doing good. Jack's with 'em now." Fin answered, leading Amanda and Rafael into the waiting room to join Carisi.

"She had the baby already?" Amanda exclaimed.

"Born in the car, five minutes before we got here." Fin replied.

That was when they saw Carisi, staring at the floor.

"Is he okay?" Barba asked.

"I don't think he's ever seen a woman deliver her own baby before. He looked like he was gonna throw up in the car." Fin chuckled. "He took it worse than Liv did."

The small group waited in silence, the colour slowly returning to Carisi's face. It was twenty minutes later when the door opened and Jack entered the room.

~X~

Jack couldn't help the smile that was plastered across his face as he sat beside Olivia on her bed, gazing down at their new baby.

"What's her name, Liv?" Jack asked after what felt like hours of silence.

They still hadn't decided on a solid first name for the baby, regardless of the gender. They had a few, but Jack wasn't sure she looked like any of them.

"I thought we could name her after your grandmother. I know you were close to her." Olivia suggested gently. She knew the death of his grandmother had affected him more than he had let on. She'd never met the woman in person but she had been assured by Jack that the older woman would love her.

"Cecelia?" Jack questioned softly. "You're not worried it's too old fashioned?"

"She could go by Cece for short. Cecelia Grace Kellan. What do you think?" Olivia asked, passing the baby girl to her father.

"I love it." Jack whispered, tears streaming down his cheeks as he kissed his daughter's head. He kissed Olivia softly on the lips too. "And I love you."

"I love you too." Olivia replied, squeezing his hand. "I'm sorry you missed it."

"There's not much you could've done about that, Liv." Jack chuckled. "When a baby's coming, it's coming. Not much can be done to stop it. I'm so proud of you for doing it by yourself, though. You're amazing."

"I thought Carisi was going to pass out. When he saw her head his face went gray." Olivia laughed.

Jack laughed with her before he suggested that he go pick Noah up while she introduced the baby to the squad who were waiting patiently in the waiting room.

Once Jack was gone, Olivia had a nurse retrieve her squad. Minutes later, they quietly filtered into her room, all breaking into wide smiles when they laid eyes on the bundle in Olivia's arms.

"Hey, Liv." Amanda smiled when they reached Olivia's bed.

"Hey guys." Olivia smiled. She smiled down at her daughter and then shifted so that the squad could see the baby. "Allow me to introduce you to Cecelia Grace Kellan."

"She's beautiful, Liv." Rafael beamed.

"She looks just like you." Amanda said as Olivia passed the baby to her.

"How you feeling?" Fin asked, looking over Olivia.

She was no longer in her work clothes, but a pair of sweats and a tank top from home. Her hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail and all traces of makeup had gone from her face. She was still pale and looked exhausted.

"Like I got hit by a semi." Olivia answered honestly, tightening her ponytail. She turned and looked Carisi up and down. "Carisi, you doing okay?"

Everyone laughed at Carisi's expense. All colour had by now returned to his face and he no longer looked as shaky as he once had.

"I'm good, Lieu." Carisi chuckled. "Just wasn't expecting that to happen when I turned up for work this morning."

"Tell me about it." Olivia laughed as a nurse entered her room.

The nurse regretfully announced that Olivia needed her rest and promptly instructed the squad to leave.

They each hugged Olivia, congratulating her once more, agreeing to keep her up to date before they allowed themselves to be ushered out by the nurse.

~X~

Jack stopped just outside of Olivia's room and squatted to Noah's level. He kept hold of the three year old's hand and turned to look at him.

"Noah, you remember how Mommy has had a baby in her tummy for a long time now?"

Noah nodded. "Baby out yet?"

Jack smiled. "She is. That's why we're here. Mommy had the baby a little while ago. They're just through that door there."

"She play wif me?" Noah asked excitedly.

"Not quite yet. Your sister is really tiny right now. She has to get bigger before she can play with you, but she would really, really like it if you could sing your lullabies to her at night."

Noah beamed. "I do that."

"You ready to go in?"

"Come on, Daddy!" Noah cried, pulling Jack towards the door.

Jack smiled and allowed Noah to lead him to Olivia's room.

~X~

Olivia looked up as Jack and Noah entered the room. Her heart burst when she saw Noah's face light up as he looked at his baby sister.

"Hey, Noah." Olivia said softly.

"Mama, that the baby?" Noah asked, pointing at the baby in Olivia's arms.

Jack moved closer and put Noah on Olivia's bed.

Olivia wrapped her free arm around Noah's waist and pulled him to sit in her lap beside his sister.

"Noah, this is your little sister. Her name is, Cece. You're her big brother, so it's your job to teach her everything you know."

Noah was staring at the baby in silence, awestruck by the tiny baby in front of him. "I give her cuddle?"

"Of course, sweet boy. Just hold on a second."

Olivia passed Cecelia to Jack and adjusted Noah so that he was sitting in the basket of her crossed legs. Once they were situated, Jack held the baby out to Noah while Olivia helped her son wrap his arms around his sister.

Jack felt his eyes begin to sting with tears as he looked over the scene. Olivia had one arm wrapped around her children, helping Noah to support Cece's head while the other rested on Noah's back, rubbing it gently.

Olivia lifted her gaze to meet Jack's, smiling when she saw the tears in his eyes and blinking away tears of her own.

"Smile, Liv." Jack said softly before he lifted his phone to take a picture of the moment.

"C'mere." Olivia said, holding her hand out to her fiance.

Jack complied and moved to the bed, sitting down beside Olivia as she somehow managed to squeeze over in the small space. Once they were settled, Olivia rested her head on his shoulder and let out a soft sigh.

"Thank you."

Jack lifted his head to look at her. "For what?"

"My family." Olivia said quietly. "This is all I've ever wanted, and now I've got it."

"I love you, Liv."

"I love you, too, Jack."

 **So I know that Cece's birth was not well written but having never given birth nor seen a baby being born, it was never gonna go well, so sorry about that**


End file.
